i_care_i_share

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable -c.s lewis

i manage to be cool and relax only for 2 month…with the help of someone that is special in my life…not bf not even friend but someone special…

im wondering what is actually playing in my mind …

i keep hurting people that love me with my stupidity…i said that i trust God and look future in fact im still holding my past life…

everytime my past life occur like a theft in my mind , i started to act weird and act juliet ….. craaaazy !!!!

when am i going to change this attitude …i dun want to hurt anyone nemore because i might lose them….i dun 1 2 lose anyone too…

now im a ‘cofee bean’ again ! AGAIN! i can’t believe it that i keep reheat the ‘cofee bean’ and wait till the sweetness comes out …… o God …..am i crazy or it just me ?!

Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

and I Keep bleeding in love

wow … at last im staying outside of that weird hostel … i miss my roomate tho but i just 1 2 experience new things …. and have my own time ….

im so happy staying outside (except the main roda that i have to crss every morning) … i jog with my friends , i started to play basketball , to get sweat … and feel healthy …. visiting to my friends house around here and hang-out until late at night without curfew ….. wow … just love it …

prayfully its remain beautiful …..

now nobody bother about me anymore , nobody goin to judge me ….. i just enjoying my own life …..
hmmm … loving it

banyak betul ‘him’ yang aku temu sepanjang tahun …. tapi cuma tiga ‘him’ yang betul2 aku suka , cinta dan keliru ….
yang aku cinta selalu buat aku keliru dan bingung ….
yang aku suka selalu mendorong kepada cinta…
yang aku keliru selalu buat aku suka….

yang sudah lama tidak betemu setelah berpisah 6 tahun pun tiba2 muncul tahun tok , baru2 tok tadi muncul …. terkezut beruk aku …. tapi itu aku sik akan layan la , aku cuma keep in touch ngan nya skrg gara2 mau tau kenak nya ninggal kan aku dolok .. adakah benar gara2 ‘pertaruhan’?!tapi yang paling best ‘i won d case’ ……nya yang dolok msg aku skrg ….

skrg macam season org mok serious dlm relationship … sorang2 mok kawen dah … aku mok kata single sik juak tapi hati aku tok mcm hati org yang single … ya lah , dah puas aku cinta suka keliru dgn ‘him’ tapi selama bertahun2 topik masalah yang sama terjadi …. fed-up aku ….

aku sik jua susah hati dgn masalah tok sebab aku tau Tuhan ada rencana Nya sendiri asalkan aku sik terhanyut … amen…

tapi kan ….. to be continue

© By Leanne M. Spencer

SHE WALKS DOWN AN ENDLESS PATH
BEFORE THE DAWN HAS KISSED THE DAY
TO THE WATERS’ EDGE SHE MOVES IN HASTE
KNOWING SHE’LL NEVER FIND HER WAY
HIS CRIES OF LOVE SHE HEARS IN VAIN
CRASHING UPON EACH EMERALD WAVE
WITH EVERY STEP HER HEART BEATS FASTER
KNOWING IT’S HER SOUL SHE GAVE
TO THE ENDLESS PATH, THE CRASHING WAVE, AND THE LOVER’S LIFE SHE COULD NOT SAVE

Im not in d mood rite now …. online outside student lounge and ‘donating’ m blood to the hungr and crazy mosquito……. why am i still siting here ? i need to talk to someone but seems like noone interesting to talk with …….

i miss someone …..

i’ve kept and preserved my heart for someone ….. but now has to throw it away ……. o God ….. i can’t believe that im facing it now ….

having someone new is hard for me to blend myself ….. im just like a small kid that has found d meaning of ‘feeling’ …..trying to build , firm , feel , trust , love and hold it ……. im scared of mistakes , negative thinking and anger … im just scared ……. scared to get hurt …… scared of everything ………..

new me ? …. naaaaa , its not new me … its me laaaa .. pripri …. i’ll never leave my pledge to God , i’ll never leave my friend , i’ll never dump my commitment in school , i’ll never bitching around …… i still smile , talk, walk and work like normal pripri ….. although deep down in my heart , cryout for attention …. i just hope some people understand me ….im a normal person not a NUN @ a PASTOR …… JUST NORMAL believer of Jesus …. all i need is a break … i want to go home before my exam … just to get d fresh air……i’ll be ok….

im sorry sometime i just keep quiet and suddenly im exposing my true color …… to know me better , u have to be matured enough ….only matured people could understand my situation …thanks to ola because he understands me ….. now i miss nila , she is my best friend ever … although she younger than me but she is matured ….. i miss her

its hard being ‘celebrities’ ….. once i fall , everyone around me is falling apart as well … how sad to know that ….. do not put the blame on me ….. i’ve done my part …..all of us big enough ….together we maintain our ‘ups and downs’ of our own life …..

adios amigos …in d name of God .. amen !

love this song soo much …

Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
Your probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center
Clarity, Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It’s personal, Myself and I
We’ve got some straightenin’ out to do
And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But Ive got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don’t cry
Don’t cry
Don’t cry
Don’t cry

The path that I’m walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps until I’m full grown
Fairytales don’t always have a happy ending, do they
And I foreseek the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to with you
It’s personal, Myself and I
We’ve got some straightenin’ out to do
And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I’ve got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don’t cry

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We’ll play jacks and uno cards
Ill be your best friend and you’ll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if u want to
Cause I want to hold yours too
Well be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But its time for me to go home
Its getting late, dark outside
To be with myself and center
Clarity, Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It’s personal, Myself and I
We’ve got some straightenin’ out to do
And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I’ve got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don’t cry
Don’t cry
Don’t cry
Don’t cry

im very confused with things that happen around me …. it seems that im ok with it but then when i think about it … im actually not ok …… mood swing flooded but it comes and goes …. enjoying the vacation but actually my mind and body is not for the vacation …. im so blur whenever people talk to me ….. ‘anggul’ as how sheela called it …. haiya !!!!! sooooooo blur ……

wuuu … the iccf member is really enjoying the dance class that lead by fred and divine …. and for sure , i ever prayed that God would allow dance class in my college for Christian group so that people would never say that Christian life is boring or just meditating the word of bible …. God answer it

there is time that we need to meditate bible’s word because that is our ‘daily bread’ (which myself still discipline myself to meditate it daily) … but hey my dear friend , there is time we can have fun with Jesus …. God created musics , songs and dances so let us just enjoy it ….. but REMEMBER we dance to glorify God’s name and to please Him …..

prayfully , the iccf member would enjoy it as well …. and those who wants to join , u r most welcome …. join the iccf lah …

muuaaah …
love